Friday, February 6, 2009

A QUICKIE ... or not.

orientation ...? W/E. Stop wondering about who is right for you, before you end up all alone.
New York is beautiful in the Winter.
Why is it so easy to see the beauty in others, when I can't even see the beauty in me. I never give myself too much credit. I'm paranoid at the world. I keep myself busy so my mind doesn't have time to ramble on about my insecurities and flaws. But it always seems to make time; what a reliable mind I've come to acquire. Why is it that I can make others so happy, but I can't cut myself a break. I work but never play. Why the fuck can't I play? I want to play. I don't want to walk around with a stick up my ass for my entire adolescence. Why the fuck am I punishing myself? I can't just let go and be free. I beat myself up every which way. But thats what I'm good at. Maybe I rely on the negatives to seek the positives. Although I do find positives, yet again my paranoia to the world lurks my brain. I want a friend, a great friend. One that I can call anytime of the day/night. One that wants to know about me. One that won't dip on me. One that cares as much as I would. I guess thats why I pity myself so much. I don't have someone to just slap some happiness on to me. I'm a lonely soul. Don't get me wrong, I love being alone. But not all the time. It gets depressing. Damn, I pulled the depression card. Sorry y'all. I just want someone real in my life, love/friendship. I'm tired of raping myself out of happiness. Taking what sunshine I come across as a hidden cloud.

I got more designing to do.

signing out.
Posted by Day-Vuh-Knee at 4:41 PM

5 comments:

  1. Sarah NoelleFebruary 6, 2009 at 5:33 PM

    this was deep.
    im speechless.

    ReplyDelete
  2. SteveFebruary 6, 2009 at 7:56 PM

    Being hard on yourself is natural. The standards I hold for myself are higher than anything else, because it's necessary, in order to strive for better things. But you should try to not be so hard on yourself if you don't live up to them, because there's always someone out there much worse off. Take it for what it is and know that you've always got time, because life is really long, and really repetitive.

    ReplyDelete
  3. UnknownFebruary 7, 2009 at 10:13 AM

    I just wrote a blog about something similar. I really do understand where your coming from. Like the person above said "being hard on yourself is natural" but I've noticed I'm too hard on myself too. It has become noticeable. Im getting better though. No matter what always remember in any situation try to think positive. "The cup is always half full"

    ReplyDelete
  4. UNIVERSALREVERSALFebruary 7, 2009 at 6:53 PM

    this is so true keep on writing im "following" your blog now

    ReplyDelete
  5. before thee hypeFebruary 8, 2009 at 6:46 PM

    I'm also speechless. I think sometimes you just know you can do SO MUCH that you want to.
    but it leaves you giving everything & taking nothing. somehow [don't ask me how] but somehow, you need to find a balance for youself.
    & you can't find a good friend without learning to let people into your life. give time & you'll get it.
    stop being so busy & party it up!

    ReplyDelete

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